Landed.

We've landed.

It was a very full, blessed, and hectic couple weeks,
but worth the detour through California while on our
way to Winter in Colorado.

It wasn't until we drove our final miles and threw our
pillows on the floor of this high desert house, piled our
shoes by the door, and plopped onto the couch, that
the magnitude  of the undertaking hit me.

Sheer exhaustion.

48 hours later we are nearly unpacked and beginning
to see the promise of a comfortable settling in.
There have been good things for the kids to rediscover,
and the luxury of flush toilets and a dishwasher;
comfortable beds and a light, bright, warm, friendly indoors
also make this a pleasant landing place.

Still, it takes time for me to get my bearings.
Some adjustments to routine are planned, a reorder of
chores initiated, a shuffling of bedrooms, a mobile and
exploring baby to consider this time.
It all adds up to a lot.
It kind of feels like we need to jump in with both feet
and not waste time testing the waters.

I know I might not ever jump otherwise.

What an adventure :-)

******************

Would you like to see how we camped out on our way
South/East?

Last year we decided to shop for a travel trailer that would
(wishing/hoping/praying) fit all of us.
The little guy we ended up taking home had just come in and
was sitting yet-uncleaned at the back of the lot.  The only one
of it's kind at the dealership.

In only 24 feet of length this trailer sleeps 10 (or some varied number
of varying sized people :-)).

This sweet tiny room at the back end was a deal maker!
It has four bunks, fits the port-a-crib and has some
storage cabinets too.

While on the road, each child has one backpack for clothes.
It seems to be just right and backpacks can be stowed at
the end of beds or in the cabinets.

And THIS cool set up was just perfection to me.  It was a
great hope of mine to find something which could have all
the beds set up ready to be used as soon as we could pull
over and park.

Many trailers that accommodate a large number of people
have soft sided drop-downs which can be folded out once
parked, but the beds can only be set up after the tent-like
pop outs have been set up.

Awesomely, this trailer has a full bed that slides out like a drawer
from over the couch and dinette, making it possible (practical even)
to have every bed made and ready to climb into!

I  love it.  Love it.

Red Vines.
New traveling tradition :-)

Basically we drive for a day, stopping for fuel, potty breaks,
food, and when necessary(!) coffee.  Then at night we have
found staying in a "friendly" Wal Mart to work well.  Often we need
to restock on bottled water or some other necessity - like cookies -
and shopping is just a short hike away.

Usually we pack our own food for travels and alternate with
some eating out when we need a real break from the road.

What I pack to eat on the run?

*Bagels/Bread
*Cream Cheese
*Lunch Meat/Salami
*String Cheese
*Crackers
*Hard Boiled Eggs
*Bananas
*Cuties/Mandarins
*Washed Grapes
*Cut Cucumbers, Carrots, Snap Peas
*Nuts
*Pretzels

I don't pack all these things all the time
and I often add some special treats as well, but I find that
this list provides all we need to make any meal work.

Now.  As wonderful as that all is, I have to say I'm real
glad to be done traveling.  It's hard on the all the senses
and my system could use a good Fast and about a
months-worth of sleep!

Our faithful little trailer has been a fun toy and great alternative
to staying in a hotel (which has become a feat all its own with
the size family we have!).

Plus, who doesn't like a Red Vine every now and again :-)

Happy Landing to Us!

From the Sick House

...Again.

One thing I find a bit heart-tugging , is when my runny, goopy, sneezing
toddlers want to love on our baby.
I can almost see the germs as they spew and ooze from one to the other and still
I can't bring myself to shoo the doting masses away.

At the expense of my fresh new baby's dry nose, I let his siblings cuddle up close and enjoy him.

From the time I had two children under 2 and one of them was a new big brother,
I determined to let the big one have access to the little.
18 month-old big brothers aren't especially soft or gentle in their movements.
Strokes and caresses are more like accidental socks and conks.  Sweet innocent infants
are loved to squished in my home as I monitor carefully within close proximity.

This decision made about 10 years ago has been harder at times than a quarantine
as I watch my sweet innocent infants be loved to smothers.
With breath sucked in I gently instruct the big brother or sister in their new roll,
and have seen over and over again that newly initiated "Big" take ownership.

Of all the parenting experiments I have tried, this one has yielded some of the most
 precious fruit over and over again.

Confidence to approach this wiggly new bundle without fear of reproach
has resulted in a desire to be near, to be helpful, and to engage in play and in conversation.
It has resulted in camaraderie.
As I show the Big how to hug, and kiss, and pat, and wipe spits from the face of his baby,
there are a certain amount of bumps that happen as well (and for the sake of this post,
germs and illness too).

But babies are resilient.

It's much harder to promote that sibling bond
after months of telling his hopeful new protector to back off.

And so our baby has the sickness too.  It' frustrating, but it's what is.

I try to mitigate the damage with encouragement to wash hands before touching,
and to not sneeze in his face, and to scoot back a little so to not share germs...
but I am more interested in the long-term relationship between brothers
than the short-term discomfort and inconvenience of dealing with more flu.

I'm certainly no expert in parenting, but I do know it's no fun nursing a house-full of sickies.
More than the usual share of energy-taxing, sleep-depriving duties multiply when germs
 invade 10 otherwise healthy bodies.
However that's nothing to the job of parenting with wisdom in the midst of brain fog;
and when wisdom says to take the harder path (which may even mean less than the little
sleep you're already getting), well...
it's hard.

But if the Holy Spirit leads your heart in the direction of the difficult, 
follow.

The rewards are greater than can be imagined.

Brothers:  Bryce 3 and a Half.  Miles 6 weeks old.

Putting the Pieces Together... Slowly.

I don't usually play Christmas music this early, but today it just seemed like the right thing.
I wasn't going to fix the froo-froo whipped-cream topped coffee today, but then it started snowing...

And after the bumpy morning ride, I couldn't apply my brain to any more school.

*Side thought here, what's with having to do so much school anyway?!!
   After collecting a diploma I thought I was done.  I didn't realize what was ahead in teaching
   5 different grades and wrangling 2 toddlers while pregnant, potty training,  and trying to fix dinner.

Okay so back to my brain being used up.

I then decided to sew binding on a quilt, and it's amazing how benevolent Christmas music,
mocha and snow can make you when you're doing something therapeutic
- like not overtaxing brain cells. Ha!

I found I could work through a reading lesson with Lina, and a math chapter with Clay, and all of a
sudden my binding was attached.


I have been trying for years to sort out how my roll as mother fits together with that of teacher.
I say years because I am standing on my own mothers shoulders, and I know that she wrestled with
that same question frequently as she taught 3 different grades while wrangling 4 toddlers, potty training,
and trying to fix dinner.  And believe me - fixing dinner is not the hard part!

It's been a slow process, but I'm coming to realize that I am not dividing two roles.
I am one mother all the time, teaching and training and instructing my children as life flows naturally.
Since life's "natural" flow entails a lot of interruptions, accidents, and attitudes, I have to figure it's all
a part of our learning process.

My mom did what she believed was best for her family, but I'm pretty sure she was trying daily to convince
herself of what she believed. It's hard to tread a new path, and that's what she did.

I don't have to convince myself.  I believe in what I'm doing, and that's largely in
part due to the first-hand experience I grew up with. I lived the value, the importance, and the blessing
of how my mom spent her time.

I hope my daughters will stand on my shoulders, will live with even greater understanding of what
motherhood means.  Lord willing, I look forward to watching them work out different puzzles,
not the same ones I  labor over.

I know that what I am doing here with my children is valuable, but I am becoming more comfortable
with looking at interruptions as part of the teaching package and not as a curve I can't hit.
I'm willing to stop and change direction when something's not working, or someone is hung up
on an assignment they can't wrap their brain around.

"Do something else for a while...
Come back to it...
Bring in some firewood...
Go out and catch snowflakes for a few minutes..."

And same for me - I'm overwhelmed.  I'm taking a bit of a break to sew binding on this quilt, to turn
the music up, to sip something that tickles my taste buds, to watch flames lick a piece of split birch.

This is life.




























 A few moments of reprieve can refresh the soul to carry on, and that's a lesson which reaches farther
than dividing fractions or cleaning up a puddle of pee on the floor.  We don't always get that reprieve,
but in many cases, who's decision is that?  I get to decide.  I'm the mother/teacher/potty-trainer... :-)

I'm learning.
It's a process, always a process, but I find I can never learn too much about grace! Bring on the grace.

We taught ourselves how to felt balls last night, and today the girls are busy with other colorful
projects.

The wire LOVE above my window are letters that Susanna worked for me when she was "playing"
outside yesterday (did we count that as school?).  She also created a USA, and MOM.

There is not much that compares with the pleasure of watching my children develop into their
own people with their own ideas, their own art and interpretations, their own uniqueness.

Shh.... can't say too much about the other scraps and tidbits in the photos - at least not yet :-)

No Qualifications Necessary

This morning started off rocky.

I'm still working out the kinks of a school routine,
which when educating children at home means
not only book work, chores, and meals,
but also a lot of restarts, false starts, and second chances.

There is also rather a lot of character training
-theirs and possibly more often, mine.

Days that start off like this day did
make me doubt my qualification for this job.
But I'm not a mother because I'm qualified.
I have this mothering job because it was handed me
(quite generously actually)
probably because I'm not (qualified, or even good at it)
and through my imperfectness God makes
something beautiful.
Isn't that the story of redemption?  And it plays out in my life
every. single. day.

Start, fail, repent, restart, falter, forgive, receive mercy,
extend grace, second chance, and so on.

I am reminded by my faithful sojourner
softly, and without reprimand 
for my pregnancy hormones and emotional tears,
that this was never about a flawless system for educating them
(our children)
or a seamless flow of family life, chores, creativity, and learning.

We step boldly (and sometimes gingerly)
into another already sin-tainted day
because we believe these ones who are shorter than us
for only a while, are important people.
People with a character I'm responsible to help shape.
And they're becoming some of the neatest people I know!
Truly, it's a wonder to watch.
THAT is the fruit of faithful perseverance and God's grace.

I get to be a part of it.

In light of all this, I dry my tears and start the next bit of day fresh.
I may not be qualified, but I know what I'm doing and why.