No Pause Button

Perfect spring days; some cool and wet, others balmy warm.
Sun dappled decks and growing green call us outdoors
and I leave things a shambles inside
to go out.

It strikes me especially just now,
how like the new little evergreen trees
my children are.
Long, lanky, sprouting new growth every year
and stretching ever upward much faster than I notice.

I want the days to stay this way forever.
Noise and messes and crunchy floors, as my friend calls them,
wear a mommas body out with their never-ceasing ever-presence,
but my heart says please...
please pause!

When all the chicks are under our wings
and the days are drenched with living
truly living...
When life is full of light - even on shadowy sunless days
and big burps, quick wits, squeaky babies, jokey laughter and grins
are a dime a dozen,
me and mine - we look at each other and don't see the age
but these children, they prove otherwise.  Time is not stopping for us.
And we want these days to stay forever.
At least pause for a while so we can saver the moments
more thoroughly.

There is no looking back
and there is no pause button
and time will continue to exist until Jesus comes back for us.

I want to banish tiredness and crankiness and feelings of defeat
I want to remember that I live in freedom
and that grace is not just for them
and that old things have passed away and ALL things have become new
(even me).

I want to worship the Lord in all the moments - even the hard ones.
I want my children to see a real mom that is really forgiven
and knows real humility and is willing to ask forgiveness
even of them.
Maybe one day they will know how I wanted to be perfect for them
wanted to be just what I thought they needed
wanted to have no regrets.

If they will just know how much I love them...

Do you hear that Precious Ones?  I love YOU!
You.
You guys who are growing too fast and becoming such beautiful people
and taking my breath away as I watch you live with such zeal!
My heart aches with the loving
and is fuller than I can bear for the gratitude of getting to be yours
and for the amazement that you are mine.

If this day will not stay forever
your dad and I will watch those legs keep growing
and those spirits continue to develop in wisdom and in depth of understanding
we'll measure your height on the wall
and watch your personality blossom in abundance of color
and take in the sweet aroma of your character.
We enjoy you each so much!

I hope we can follow you in your adventures
as you have been faithful companions on ours.
I hope you find a best friend to marry
like I did.
I hope your living rooms have enough space for us
to roll out sleeping bags and have slumber parties and spill pop corn on your carpet
when we come to visit.
I hope you have lots of babies and crunchy floors.
I will sweep them for you.
And be sure to live in a house with a porch.  It is the best spot to sip coffee together.

Oh my favorite people in the whole world!
I want these days to stay forever...
but since they won't
I can't wait for sharing all the ones we have.

I love you!

~Your Momma