Saturday, August 7, 2010

I am a Venti Mom

"Venti" is a size.

It would be less confusing if it were called "Large" or "Largest", but it's Starbucks.
They size their drinks to sound important.

Maybe a Large is "Venti" and a small is Tall so that you feel you're getting something big either way, but all you have to do is look at the cups to know there's a difference between something otherwise referred to as "Large" and what Starbucks calls "Tall".

The truth is, I was never a "Tall" mom because I didn't truly discover all the glory of Starbucks until child #5 and an 8 hour stretch of road to drive.
I went straight to the biggest size Java Chip Frapucinno made.  Why mess around?

Today as I loaded my babies into a cart at Wally World, I noticed a mom next to me loading Little's into her cart.  In the empty bottom sat a Starbucks frappucinno.
What is it about Starbucks that makes shopping with children seem like a vacation? 

My Frapucinno was already gone.  Savored to death in the first hour of our outing while I searched for Pita Pockets in a new grocery store.
That had been several hours prior and I assumed that Wally World was this lady's first stop.

I noticed that her Frap was a size "Tall" and wondered if she knew when she ordered that "Tall" meant "small", and did she figure it out for next time?
I need every ounce of caffeine that a Venti can deliver when I'm shopping with the crew.

Then it hit me.
She had 2 children.

I really think that Starbucks should find an Italian word for "Monstrous", or "Humongous" (in fact they could just call it that) because what about those moms of 10 out there?
I can't imagine that a Venti does it in their case.

To be fair, I rarely see a mom with that many kiddos with her.
Maybe it's because the bigger ones are old enough to babysit a few at home.
Maybe mom and dad divide and conquer when they shop, and dad is at the other end of the store.
In that case maybe they're a 2-Venti-Frap. family!

But honestly?
I think it's because Starbucks doesn't make a Frappucinno big enough to fuel a mom shopping with 10 or 15 children.
Laws of nature (or something like that).  What goes up... must come down.

I was happy for the "Tall" momma, that she had found the secret to making Wally World a slice of heaven (or at least a piece of sanity).
I felt strangely sorrowful for mothers of 15 - they have to get out to shop too!

But me?

I really enjoyed myself.  
I am a Venti mom,
and there was just enough caffeine in the biggest size that Starbucks makes to last me through ALL my errands.

And home again.


Nikole said...

You crack me up, Analene. Love it! Venti're children are so beautiful, Momma Bug. So nice to see you and you're family. Love you and miss you, my old friend.

SarahS said...

You are so, so, so funny!!! I love it :D GREAT picture of you and your girls

Momma Bug said...

Nik - is it true? What does it all mean?
*sigh* I have missed you too, and prayed for you fervently - and your boys.
Thank you for stopping to visit.

I love you too dear one:-)


Deborah said...

I LOVE this. Can I post on my facebook page? I am currently a GRANDE mom. And yes, there is someting about sipping on a Starbucks that makes shopping with all the kids seem like a little vacation. :-)

petersonclan said...

The truth that moms of 10 know is that NO AMOUNT of starbucks is worth taking 10 children shopping. So they do anything possible to avoid taking everyone. Which means doing it at 10 at night if necessary to avoid taking them all.

And... I know how to make a better coffee than they do. Took me 10 kids to figure it out, though. :)

Momma Bug said...

Well see now?
The word I was seeking arrived! It's a relief to know how it's done - AND I would love to hear more about that better coffee;-)

petersonclan said...

Oh wow... didn't realize I was so wise! LOL. Sure feels like a circus around here.

For a great cup of coffee, much better than a $4.50 cup (and cheaper) get GOOD coffee. We love Pete's Coffee out of California, but we have also had great coffee from a place in Ohio. If worse comes to worse we buy bold blends from Sam's Free Trade in Wal-Mart (sans kids. LOL.)

Make a good pot of coffee. Add liberal amounts of flavored creamer (I love the caramel mocchiato. Around Christmas the pumpkin spice and Eggnog are divine. This year I will buy a bunch and freeze them for the rest of the year.) Then (and this is the key) add Whipped Cream. That is the distinctive goodness of a Starbucks coffee. Good coffee (I like it stronger than they make it), flavored creamer in generous amounts, and whipped cream.

Spoiler Alert... once you make these for yourself, I take no responsibility for the fact that you will no longer want to buy a $4.50 cup of coffee, therefore spoiling your shopping "vacations." Sometimes it's better not to know some things... this may be one of them. At least until you can leave kids at home for your shopping trips. ;)

Mama K. said...

I love that picture of you and your girlies Momma Bug! Fun story too. :)