One Baby, Two Baby, Three baby, Ten... To HIS Glory!

Beansntatermama asked me a question on a recent post, which she probably hopes I have "the answer" for, and which I and a good portion of the parental population long to find "the answer" to.
She asks:

"How did you decide to have more babies? I have three and we got so much negative feedback when we mentioned that we might want another it really bothers me. It's like an ongoing battle all the time to have or not have anymore..."

Dear Beansntatermama - dear friend whom I love and have not met, I empathize with you. Truly.
The reason I want to answer your question in a post, is that a good portion of my friends are wrestling with this question, and of course there is the never-ending speculation on my personal views which I thought might inspire or at least entertain my blog snoopers to read.

I have been reading your blog a bit trying to get to know you. I enjoy your desire and commitment to ministering to your family by working from home. Home is where the very most work is after all! And raising and training children is the most valuable job you will ever do, even if no one ever commends you for it. Well done!

As to how did I (or my husband and I) decide to have more babies"?t It is a journey we are still on, and I don't really expect to have an answer to that question even by the end of my life. I now have a family which exceeds the stereotype of "average American household" based on the number of children I have - especially since they all belong to the same two parents.
However I will probably baffle those who expect that I am aiming for a large size family, a particular number, or am part of the quiverfull movement.
I DO love a large family (I come from one and loved belonging to one); when asked how many we are going to have, our standard answer is "one at a time... unless it's twins"; and I want to make it clear that while I love the commitment and dedication displayed by people who identify with a movement, a word, or a title... I don't. (place my identity there, that is.)
I identify with Jesus and knowing Him better so I can love Him more fully. It's quite a bit harder to explain the whys to someone when you can't just point them to a resource which will answer all their questions for you (and in their defense, many of my friends answer just fine for themselves). But when people want to know why in the world you would contribute to the "overpopulation" of the planet - or better yet, have a ton of children which will inhibit your ability to minister Christ effectively to others (said tongue in cheek), when all you say is "I don't have all the answers but God's Word does..." and "No I don't have enough strength to do it, but the Holy Spirit is working in my life to give me what I need for each day..." or "Sure I don't have the loving attitude I should have at all times, but Jesus loves me, He loves my children, and He is patiently teaching me to become more like Him so that my children see Him in me..." Those are the answers that turn people to Jesus, and that is my hearts desire.

I used to pray "Lord, you know what I can handle. If you're going to give me more than that, than make me a taller glass so I can hold what you pour in."
One day I realized that I would never be a tall enough glass to hold (or handle) all God wanted to pour into my life, so my prayer has become "Lord, I am a short glass being filled beyond my means and abilities. I WILL overflow, so please Lord, let what spills over the edges of my life splash on to those who will see that it is YOU who are my strength. I could never be worthy or able to "do it" apart from You."

Unfortunately many think that to have a large family you must be irresponsible, or super-human. I know I am not super, and I hope I am not irresponsible, but I can tell you this: it is only by God's grace and for His glory that I persevere in the privilege of being mother to these precious children He has given me. It is not easy, but neither is it a burden. These children are a demonstration to me of God's love for me, and my decision to embrace them and this task of mothering them is a demonstration of my love for Him.

1Co 7:23 "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men."

The reality is that our culture (and the Christian culture has bought into this too) is not receptive to families bearing many children. I'm sure you've heard many of the most popular reasons, and if you take a peek at some of my large familied friends (you may already be familiar with), they can enlighten you on just how many variations of unkind and amazingly insensitive things people come up with!
I have heard a fair share, and you are right - why people feel obligated to air their opinions on this matter so freely, and in a manner which clearly insinuates that you are obligated to agree with them, while laughable, can be pretty painful. I have learned not to be swayed by peoples perception or opinion of me. My life and conduct speak for itself, and hopefully point to Jesus Christ who saved me from sin and death, and who has given me hope of eternity with Him - forever spent in a place lovelier than my favorite spots here, and doing things that I love doing and have always longed to do, and enjoying people I love dearly (my five children so far, and three I haven't met) and people I've always wanted to meet... See what hope there is in my Jesus?!
Did you know that we were created for God's pleasure [Philippians 2:13]? Did you know that the earth and all it's wonderful treasure was created for OUR pleasure [Genesis 1:27-31]? The Lord takes pleasure in our fellowship with Him, and our desire to enjoy the life He's given us! He takes pleasure in our obedience to to Him even when it's difficult or unpopular. He is glorified when we choose to take the hard road because we believe it's the right path to take.
And He doesn't promise it will be easy, but He's given us the promise of accomplishing HIS work in our lives for HIS glory.
I think the real questions to ask are "What am I living for?" and "How can I know and love my Savior better?" and "In light of those things, does it matter what other people think - really?"

Like any mother of many (or any mother at all) I wrestle with what other people think. I wrestle with my changing body. I wrestle with lack of sleep. I wrestle with meeting the needs of my husband. I wrestle with lack of understanding how to help my children in given circumstances. But... here's the thing I try to remember: "I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12 I believe that!
Your battle is not between you and your husband, between you and your family or friends, between you and the pop culture. It's not about how many children you have. In fact, having children doesn't make you more spiritual or Godly. It can produce some precious qualities in you that you come by only through the refiners fire, but that is because of what God is doing IN you. Not BECAUSE of you. And THAT is what the enemy does not want. He does not want you to know the depth and wonders of God's glory which he (Satan) forfeited because of self-worship.
So... he will do all he can to baffle and confuse, and irritate, and smash, and destroy your hope in Jesus and the freedom and peace that comes from living one day at a time for Him and in the shelter of His love.

I would be happy to answer more specific questions, and I hope this post was an insightful glimpse into my heart. The conclusion of my answer, is that you can ask the Lord to give you a passion for knowing Him, and He will. He is faithful like that! You can also ask him to give you peace through the leading of your husband, and a freedom from the bondage of what man deems acceptable. He will gently show you where to walk, and how to walk there for HIS glory!
That is good news:-)

"Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think, according to the power that worketh within us.
Unto Him be glory in the saints, by Christ Jesus throughout all the ages, world without end. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21