Baby Steps

This morning I rose with the hope of heaven welling from within
to try more diligently to capture my children's hearts.

To work more creatively, and proactively at cultivating friendships with each one.
To be softer.
To be less reactionary.
To listen better and hear more.
to know my children
not as my offspring, but as people I love.
Because I want them to respond to me as a person they love and love to be with.
And not just because I'm their mother.

The day started off with two steps forward:
My Zachary helped each of his smaller siblings quietly draw
"Good Morning Mom!" cards so I could sleep a little longer.
And I in turn helped him make Swedish pancakes for breakfast.
A promising start...
{and two steps forward}

...But then I fell on my keister.

With one little thread pulled, the "good thing" I was attempting began to unravel before my eyes.
I couldn't even tell which thread had been pulled, in order to stop the whole day from unraveling before it had barely begun!

The solution to my problems (if there was one) evaded me in a haze of guilt.
{three steps back}

Oh how the enemy uses that haze and guilt to pummel my spirit! All I can see through the fog is
defeat.
(whispers, whispers of)
"I can't start from here. I'm too far behind.
My steps are too small.
Little legs can't keep up with mine anyways.
I've already wasted time and who knows if I'll have tomorrow? It's nothing to be sure of!
CAN what is lost be redeemed?"
???

Almost in tears, I called my dear husband on the phone
hoping (and expecting) to glean some words of comfort and help for my plight.

Among the things we discussed was being able to see the difference between
foolishness and disobedience.
I recognize in myself a propensity to take a child's foolishness as my own personal offence.
Seeing a particular situation for exactly what it is could really help me understand what my response should be.
Especially if I take another important step forward and seek wisdom from
the patient and most merciful Giver of Help himself.

Hmm...
Foolishness or disobedience?
My response
His grace...
Our victory!
{two steps forward}

Here the Lord reminded me
"Just today, Analene. Just today... and then just this moment.
What will you do to take steps forward today?
Even itty-bitty baby steps
will take you forward in this moment."

This moment...
Dwell not on yesterday's moment
nor the tomorrow's moment,
or even the next moment.

Just this one.

The haze subsided enough for me to see My Help
And with His arms outstretched to me
I stumbled and blundered, but in confidence I took that one little baby step forward.


[These pictures are of my Carolina Truth on this very day.
she took her first steps a couple days ago, but staunchly declined
providing further evidence of her blossoming abilities.
As if to illustrate her point, when asked to perform, she would plant her
fanny where gravity would have no advantage..
and scoot.
Much like her mother who is learning to take those baby steps of faith,
but is all too often planted on her fanny as well!

But...

The Lord is good and kind and faithful
and if the light is dawning for my Lina at 21 months of age
(and that in the physical realm)
then surely there is hope yet for me.]