Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Youth Isn't External Anyways

I don't think I'm vain. I have always looked younger than my years - not beautiful - maybe girlish?
I do not suffer over getting older, and I don't believe thirty is old.
I don't think forty is old.
I don't think fifty is old, and I have girl-friends in all these age ranges, so I know it can't be old!

However, I am becoming increasingly appalled by how FAST the time goes! It has sped up a few light years since Zachary was born ( it was an unusually slow nine months before that event!), but if it weren't for my children I would wonder if I have been doing anything productive with the last ten years. (Besides accumulating wrinkles and gray hair)

As I was saying: I bathe, brush my hair and get it trimmed once a year... or so. I love my jeans and t shirts but attempt to make sure they are feminine to please my husband. I wear rouge on my cheeks when I wake up a little pale-looking, and even tried on some lipstick the other day.
THAT scared me though when I looked in the mirror, so I wiped it off and applied a little gloss - really livin' it up!
Sometimes I wear shoes that match my sweater and really look like an adult!

Lately though, as I have peered a little closer at my reflection, I think it is finally time to accept the truth:

I am starting to get old.
(I'll add " for those of you laughing your head off at me. Old-er.)

I find gray hairs often enough for them not to be a fluke any more.
My skin is getting thin, and kindly accommodating more wrinkles...

According to Martha Stewart, I don't have the right regimen. Did you realize that you can have optimum health and astounding beauty simply by...

1) Simply by having one of your many outbuildings transformed into a home gym complete with aerobics machines, weights, and Cybex machines (whatever those are), a treadmill, T.V., massage chair, and personal trainer.

2) Simply by using the right skin care products. Don't worry, I did the research for you and found that Martha's recommended night creams run about 20 dollars for 1 ounce. moisturizers are only 20 dollars for 2 ounces, and serums are 20 to 45$ for one itty bitty little ounce. No worries though, it will be worth it when with the help of this miraculous product you will supernaturally defy age!!

3) Simply by juicing fresh, organic, vegetables from your garden every morning. If it's winter and your garden is sparse, just send your personal chef to the local organic green grocer, or have your produce overnighted in from some tropical region. Just make sure it's organic, don't fail to juice a variety of exotic things, and don't forget to offer some to your trainer, housekeeper, and pets.

4 and then some) Simply a little mineral water infused with cucumber and mint to keep you sufficiently hydrated; apparently an electric toothbrush is essential for gum care and shiny white teeth (what did people do before batteries, not to mention I am dubious that an electric tooth brush is all it takes to get teeth as white as Martha's); to pamper your body use Susan Ciminelli Marine Lotion - only 94$ a bottle (there can't possibly be enough ounces in there to make it worth 94 bucks!); and two yoga teachers plus all the gear at the ready for those times on the go. Just remember to turn off your cell phone when you don't want anyone to bother YOU, and turn it back on to call the housekeeper when you want her to have a homemade cappuccino (one shot of espresso only) ready when you get home.

(Please, oh please read tongue in cheek!!!)

Thank you Martha, for showing us all how easy and achievable it is to be happy, healthy, rich, famous, and gorgeous. Who would have known?

And all this time I was thinking:

"Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long..."
Exodus 20: 12


"Proverbs 16:31
"The graying head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness."

Proverbs 31:31
"Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain:
but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."

and not to be taken lightly...

1 Samuel 16:7 b
"...For the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance,
but the LORD looketh on the heart."

Sooo.... All this to say, the World is clinging to, worshiping even, something they can not keep:


Life experience says I can't stop time from ticking on, so I'm trusting the Lord when He says my outward person is not going to last.
My spirit however, is.
I want my physical person to reflect what's inside, but not at the cost of pulling out each gray hair as it comes along, or mourning over stretch marks that are the reminders of each precious child I have carried. I will rejoice in my crown if it be found in the way of righteousness!

You'll have to find another disciple Martha, I'm following JESUS!

How 'bout you?



TasJess said...

AMEN sister! Thankfully, my hubby claims to LIKE my stretch marks. Good thing seeing as I am all SM from ribs to hips at the moment :S As I keep insisting, I am glowing I tells ya, GLOWING!

princessmama said...

Ha. Who has time for all that anyway? I guess if you hire a couple nannies to raise your kids for ya.

I like my gray hairs. But my mom says it's only because I only have a few and cause I didn't get them when I was twenty. (Hey, I had one:)

As for my stretch marks, I have no comment...

Love you :-)

Momma Bug said...

Yeah, why doesn't the Bible have anything to say about stretch marks being something special?!

What's up with that anyway?

It's not like I miss my belly dancing days anyhow! ;-D

2homeschool said...

Well, a lot of teasing has come to mind. But I guess seeing this public form, shall give it rest.

Hope your having a restful day. I am up watching 'wives & daughters'. I haven't come close to finishing it. (A four part movie) But I feel the urge to speak more 'britishly' already.

Love you lots,

Mommy Reg said...

I was laughing at that list. Who has time for all that or the $$$ as Charlie Brown would say, "Good greif." Of course, my father in law says I look just as I did when I was 14. I beg to differ - if you could see the stretch marks 10lb babies can give you. It is sad that society today dreads getting old. Go slice those organic cucumbers you grew in your homemade green house for your eyes and don't forget your moisturizer infused with gold. ;) and relax while your nanny takes care of your littles. -- Just kidding. Hope you are have a blessed week.

petersonclan said...

Funny... I totally thought about seeing if the judge would have Martha Stewart spend her house arrest in MY HOUSE. She'd have just about died. She'd have been begging for jail time.

Momma Bug said...

Yes dear Carri, imagine the REST she got while there!
That woman has a lot of talent, and a huge staff of amazingly creative people. It's too bad she is so self absorbed. It's a bit of a turn off.

Who knows... maybe you'll get another chance! ;-D

Diane said...

That was very funny Analene. So true, so very true. And wouldn't the stress of figuring out how to do all that, tend to those things and find the money for them cause stress on us, which couldn't possibly be good for aging, right? I am glad she is one to give advice with a full staff maintaining all those things for her. uh

Of course I will stick to following to Jesus as well!

I had a GREAT day today. Can't wait to share it with you!

Sassy_Canuk said...

I really anjoyed this post! Thanks for your reality check :)

angela said...

Boy, I'm a little behind in blog-reading (not to mention blog-writing!)I had to comment, though. Years ago I read an interview of Martha's where she spoke of having only one child. She expressed regret over never having a son. It shows us again that anything, even riches and fame (or yearning for a second bathroom!), apart from Christ is vanity. Thanks for the reminder!